Things I learned on my 21st birthday

Don't invite huge drunken football players.
Never yell for help when they're threatening to pour alcohol down your throat.
Let people eat sandwiches by themselves. Do NOT try and help.
corollary: have a second set of light switches in case you have the urge to do this.
Avoid mixing beer with Everclear.
Do NOT pick fights with people twice your weight, strength, and social integrity. It could seriously damage your reputation, to say the least.
Blinds with no middle support can't support your weight.
No point in yelling for help when you're being carried to the swimming pool.
Shoe smudges on the ceiling are extremely hard to take off.
Blood comes off the walls easily, but not off the rug.
Make sure you know where your cat is at all times.
corollary: hide your socks.
There's no point in telling people to bring stuff.
American's prefer Corona Extra over Miller Genuine Draft in a 10 to 0 ratio.
NEVER try to open a beer bottle by smashing another one against it. It hurts!